I am not proud of the following statement, but I must admit, I have always been a slob. My world seems to dangle on a string as my belongings spiral through a blurry haze of lost keys and misplaced assignments. The creative artist within me has absorbed all of my habitual ability – when it comes to keeping my bed made, putting my dishes away and finding the floor in my bedroom I am hopelessly handicapped. However, my experience here has given me some major motivation to change my ways. The streets, the homes, the buses…everything is littered with trash and covered by a sticky film of filth. We went to an American couple’s house for dinner the other day. I cannot tell you how nice it was to be in a house that did not smell like mildew and to use a toilet that was not only clean it even flushed and had toilet paper! Being at their house was like heaven. It also made me realize how much I miss Clorox and a good vacuum cleaner. I’ve seen what happens when a country is run by a group of people who share my low sanitary standards…. I’m cleaning out my car when I get home.
My emotions here vacillate between self pity and extreme gratitude. There are times when I will feel frustrated because of the heat or a personal fault, but then my eyes are opened by the heart wrenching images of reality surrounding me. Images Like the girl at the orphanage crumpled in defeat with angry tears streaming down her face. She had just learned that her uncle had sold all of her belongings - her keepsakes, her clothes, even her bed – she had absolutely nothing to return to. My feelings of self pity disintegrated that day as I walked away from the orphanage awed by sympathy.
I am often awed by sympathy at the orphanage. The boys are young between the ages of 5 and 12. They always meet us at the gate shouting, “Gringos, gringos, gringos!” I am then submerged in a sea of sweaty, smelly bodies clinging to me relentlessly. So many of them just want to be held. Some of the younger boys have completely captivated me by the innocence of their kindness and the eager expression on their adorable faces. I was at the zoo with Daniel when I splashed some water on my face to cool myself down. Wondering if I had smeared my makeup I asked him if my eyes were black, “No,” he said, “they are beautiful.” That little Romeo melted my heart.
The girls at the orphanage are troubled teenagers who come from abusive backgrounds. Most of them have been sexually active since they were children. About 20 out of the 90 girls are pregnant. Some of the “moms” are only 12 years old. Considering their background I had expected them to be tough and reserved, resistant to opening up - their pleasant demeanor took me by surprise. They are eager to talk us because we are something new to them. They spend the majority of their days locked up in rooms repeating the same monotonous schedule.On e of the girls said, “I don’t want to go home they abuse me. I don’t want to be here because they lock me up. There is really no where I can go that I want to be.” Drained of hope and purpose they wait out their time at the orphanage in static indifference of their lives.
I’m hoping to be able to instill some kind of purpose for them. So far we’ve just been getting to know the kids but this week we start our empowerment lessons. The boys have been mesmerized by my blind contours (I draw their faces without looking at the paper) so I’m going to try teaching some basic art lessons. The girls do only one kind of exercise and it is ridiculously boring. I will not stand for a boring workout routine. It is time for me to teach them some better exercise methods …I’ll have to have restrain myself from turning my workout tips into a cross country boot camp. Also, a lot of the girls are struggling with their personal hygiene. As a form of defiance many of them refuse to shower. We will be giving them some lectures on the importance of staying clean, wearing the occasional makeup and doing their hair. Hopefully giving these kids some kind of talent or outlet will make a difference or at least provide spontaneity to their otherwise mundane lives. I hope to build personal relationships with as many as I can, even the simple power of knowing that someone cares can make the biggest difference.
I have watched these children drowning in self doubt because they have led lives void of love; no one has been there to believe in them. This insight has made me truly grateful for all the love that I have been given in my own life. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the great number of people who have cared for me… especially my parents. In a life full of change and dynamic inconsistencies there has always been one thing that has carried me through any struggle I have faced – I know that my parents love me. I consider it my greatest blessing to be a recipient of such great love…. Know that I love you too.
In picture number one I am enjoying my Salvadorian rain storm.
Picture two is a small village we are doing community work at. I always feel like I am walking through a national geographic magazine when we visit there.
Picture three is a picture of me with "Hannah Montanna."
Picture 4 is of me with the orphan boys.
Expect the next blog in the next couple of weeks. Then you can read about:
-The progress with English lessons
-Art and exercise lessons with the orphans
-Any other adventure I feel is worth sharing
